·
campaign: supported by the European Commission
·
increasing conflict between family and work life
o ≠ a work-life balance (lack of…)
o to bring in line family and work life
·
ideal life balanced between family time, personal time and productivity
·
aims:
o family well-being
--> find out problems families have to face
o solutions for demographic challenges (inequality, social
exclusion) and gender equality
--> women still hold prime responsibility for education of
children
o company policy
--> modification
Original paragraph
The European Union initiates European Years which are projects involving socio-cultural areas. As these days families have to face serious social problems often linked with the working area, 2014 is going to be the “European Year of Reconciling Work and Family Life”. Detailed analyses of the labour market, numerous events as well as panel discussions are intended to draw the public attention to this issue. The aim of this European Year is an improvement of family well-being, finding solutions for demographic challenges like inequality and social exclusion, and finally a modification of company policies. Particular emphasis is going to be placed on gender equality. Women still hold the prime responsibility for education of children. The European Year of 2014 is aimed to enable women to easier return to their job after pregnancy and to promote more flexible working hours. There will also be a focus on the discovery of conflicts between family and work life. The key term is work-life balance. It indicates a life balanced between personal time, family and work. This European establishment is a sustainable investment and contributes significantly to family-oriented policies.
The European Union initiates European Years which are projects involving socio-cultural areas. As these days families have to face serious social problems often linked with the working area, 2014 is going to be the “European Year of Reconciling Work and Family Life”. Detailed analyses of the labour market, numerous events as well as panel discussions are intended to draw the public attention to this issue. The aim of this European Year is an improvement of family well-being, finding solutions for demographic challenges like inequality and social exclusion, and finally a modification of company policies. Particular emphasis is going to be placed on gender equality. Women still hold the prime responsibility for education of children. The European Year of 2014 is aimed to enable women to easier return to their job after pregnancy and to promote more flexible working hours. There will also be a focus on the discovery of conflicts between family and work life. The key term is work-life balance. It indicates a life balanced between personal time, family and work. This European establishment is a sustainable investment and contributes significantly to family-oriented policies.
[185 words]
Feedback summary 1 (topic sentence, register)
Today we got together in groups of three and discussed our individual paragraphs on an EU-related topic. We checked our texts concerning the topic sentence and the register. I have received some very constructive feedback that I would like to sum up in a few sentences. In terms of register, my paragraph really needs improvement. My group members have found a lot of words that cannot be used in this context. They also pointed out some verbal repetitions. When reading the text they also noticed that sometimes the register was inappropriate. All in all I got a lot of helpful proposals that would definitely improve my paragraph.
Version 2:
The European Union initiates annual European Years which are projects with a focus on socio-cultural topics. As nowadays families have to face serious social problems often linked to the field of working, 2014 is going to be the “European Year of Reconciling Work and Family Life”. Detailed analyses of the labour market, numerous events as well as panel discussions intend to draw the public attention to this issue. The goal of this European Year is an improvement of family well-being, finding solutions for demographic challenges like inequality and social exclusion, and finally a modification of company policies. Particular emphasis is going to be placed on gender equality, as women still hold the prime responsibility for education of children. The European Year of 2014 is aimed to enable women to return more easily to their job after pregnancy and to promote more flexible working hours. Another core theme is clarifying conflicts between family and work life. The key term is work-life balance which indicates a life balanced between personal time, family and work. This establishment sponsored by the European Commission is a sustainable investment and contributes significantly to family-oriented policies.
Feedback summary 1 (topic sentence, register)
Today we got together in groups of three and discussed our individual paragraphs on an EU-related topic. We checked our texts concerning the topic sentence and the register. I have received some very constructive feedback that I would like to sum up in a few sentences. In terms of register, my paragraph really needs improvement. My group members have found a lot of words that cannot be used in this context. They also pointed out some verbal repetitions. When reading the text they also noticed that sometimes the register was inappropriate. All in all I got a lot of helpful proposals that would definitely improve my paragraph.
Version 2:
The European Union initiates annual European Years which are projects with a focus on socio-cultural topics. As nowadays families have to face serious social problems often linked to the field of working, 2014 is going to be the “European Year of Reconciling Work and Family Life”. Detailed analyses of the labour market, numerous events as well as panel discussions intend to draw the public attention to this issue. The goal of this European Year is an improvement of family well-being, finding solutions for demographic challenges like inequality and social exclusion, and finally a modification of company policies. Particular emphasis is going to be placed on gender equality, as women still hold the prime responsibility for education of children. The European Year of 2014 is aimed to enable women to return more easily to their job after pregnancy and to promote more flexible working hours. Another core theme is clarifying conflicts between family and work life. The key term is work-life balance which indicates a life balanced between personal time, family and work. This establishment sponsored by the European Commission is a sustainable investment and contributes significantly to family-oriented policies.
[189 words]
Feedback summary 2 (linking
words and cohesion, vocabulary, Major No-Nos):
All in all, I received a positive feedback this time. The members of my group mentioned that the theme-rheme structure is working well and that I linked the sentences in clear way. Concerning vocabulary I received very constructive suggestions. I was told some strong collocations that definitely improve my paragraph. I am very glad that my group members did not find any major no-nos.
All in all, I received a positive feedback this time. The members of my group mentioned that the theme-rheme structure is working well and that I linked the sentences in clear way. Concerning vocabulary I received very constructive suggestions. I was told some strong collocations that definitely improve my paragraph. I am very glad that my group members did not find any major no-nos.
Final version
The European Union initiates annual European Years
which are projects with a focus on socio-cultural topics. As nowadays families
have to face serious social problems often linked to the field of working, 2014
is going to be the “European Year of Reconciling Work and Family Life”. Detailed
analyses of the labour market, numerous events as well as panel discussions
intend to draw the public attention to this issue. The goal of this European
Year is an improvement of family well-being, finding solutions for demographic
challenges like inequality and social exclusion, and finally a modification of
company policies. Particular emphasis is going to be placed on gender equality,
as women still hold the primary responsibility for education of children. The
European Year of 2014 is dedicated to enabling women to return more easily to
their job after pregnancy and to promoting more flexible working hours. Another
core theme will be to clarify conflicts between family and work life. The key
term is work-life balance which indicates a life balanced between personal
time, family and work. This campaign sponsored by the European Commission is a
sustainable investment and contributes significantly to family-oriented
policies.
[191
words]
Final Version 2
The European Union initiates annual
European Years, which are projects with a focus on socio-cultural topics. As families
today sometimes face serious social problems often linked to the field of
working, 2014 has been named the “European Year of Reconciling Work and Family
Life”. Detailed analyses of the labour market, numerous events as well as panel
discussions intend to draw public attention to this issue. The goal of this
European Year is improving the family well-being, finding solutions for demographic
challenges, such as inequality and social exclusion, and modifying company
policies. Particular emphasis is placed on gender equality, as women still hold
the primary responsibility for raising children. The European Year of 2014 is
dedicated to enabling women to return more easily to their job after maternity
leave and to promoting more flexible working hours for them. Another core theme
will be to clarify conflicts between family and work life. The key term is
work-life balance, which implies a life balanced between personal time, family
and work. This campaign by the European Commission is a sustainable investment
and contributes significantly to family-oriented policies.
[183 words]
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